Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Project Me

I feel like I just jumped into the deep end of the pool. You know how it's better to just get it over with. Just get wet and used to how cold it is instead of taking it slow. That's exactly how I feel about this blog. It's a giant pool. I'm always in the mood to swim, but I don't make the time.

I gotta figure out another analogy for myself.

I have spent the last year working on changing my bad habits. Actually way longer, but it's been accelerated lately. I literally was the last person I thought of. Ever. It was really pathetic. So, naturally, things like this, and my art, and anything I wanted to do never got done. I languished in blah land. Then, I finally figured out that I was way too cute for this bulls**t anymore.

And I sat around for a couple more years.

I know, I'm a little slow. But I can change. A little momentum can do a lot! I decided to get physical and lose some weight. Just to be brutally honest, that sucked SO much getting started on that. Frankly, I would rather stick a fork in my eye than lift weights. I needed to find a thing that would work for me. Something I didn't want to miss, because I could always "miss" lifting weights.

Lucky for me I found Zumba. The day I tried it, the teacher, KELLY!!, was AMAZING. I did it!! I found the thing. You should try Zumba. Really. Go! I have completely and utterly fallen in love with it. So in love, in fact, that I am about to be certified to teach it. I'm so excited. Plus, I've lost over 40 pounds since I first started. Am I the hotness now? Why yes, yes I am.

So, with this new getting physically fit action, I started having a little confidence. What else can I do? I'm so fabulous and on top of things! Whoo! Then there was nothing.

What the hell?

So, it is mighty irksome to assume that once you figure out one thing, then everything else will become crystal clear, and it so does not. Man, what a rip-off. Why wasn't I bursting with creativity? Why weren't clients lining up to hire me? Why wasn't I keeping up with everything single little thing I wanted to keep up with? Why wasn't I singing better?

Ok, so I know the last thing was a little unrealistic.

Stepping back a bit, I see how I was still a little crazy - people say I shouldn't use that word, but I really think it fits - trying to do everything, while getting next to nothing done. I hate to admit it, but baby steps work. I'm not into doing things on a small scale, but I always do better work when I do.

Why?!? *she whines to the universe*

Now I'm rambling, and being a sloppy writer. There actually is a reason for that. In my little process of starting baby steps to building my business, I started twittering again (yes, the world does need to know my deep thoughts). On Twitter, I follow cool social media kid Gwen Bell (she does not follow me back *sigh*) and she tweeted about this cool thing Bindu Wiles is doing, the 21.5.800 Project.

This turned out to be so dang cool. It was EXACTLY what I needed to jump back into doing my online stuff. Yay!

The Project is that for 21 days, I’ll be doing 5 days of yoga a week and 800 words of writing per day.

So here is the first installment. Of course, I did the usual ADD thing and put it off until the last minute, but I did it. We'll have to see if I can get it done earlier in the day as this progresses. That would certainly be new for me.

I still have a lot of bad habits, though some still occasionally come in handy. I'm not really ready to give up the, you know, ninja stuff. But, if I could just shed one bad habit a month, I hope I could feel a little more in control of my future. That would be huge! For me anyway, for all of you organized, super successful, beautiful people, what the heck are you doing reading this?!? Don't you have something fabulous to do? eek.

I've already had to start on a quest to "Edit Myself" so I can teach Zumba. I have a bad habit of saying exactly what's on my mind. A couple of wise people have told me to scale it back a bit so I can teach effectively. It had become quite a hobby. It has been so damn darned hard, but I am making a very big effort. It's so fun to have goals! It's so sad I hadn't made any real goals for myself in a very long time.

Hopefully, the writing will get better, but I'm not promising anything. Just having a deadline is a good thing for me. 

I'm also going to try to get some paintings finished. 

Gah, baby steps!